OK, so I was walking to the bus stop after work the other night, and I see this group of people just kind of horse-assing around. I'm like whatever, it's midnight, it's to be expected. Then I see one of the girls is carrying a pack of toilet paper. So I figure, she probably got sucked into drinking after a trip to the grocery store.
I then hear this: "But, that's not yours, it's my friend's. Give it back!" I look and one of the girls is my friend Megan. The rest of the group are walking away, t.p. under the arm of now stranger girl. I ask Meg, do you know them? She says no.
What follows is the transcript of the conversation. I was one beer deep, so this is a fairly accurate depiction of what happened. There are about 12 people in the group but I only communicated with two of them, a guy and a girl. ***WARNING: Contains coarse language.
Me: Hey! Wanna stop a second?
(hero runs up to TPgirl)
What are you doing? Is that yours?
TPG: No.
Me: Well, listen, I don't know where you're from, and maybe you can't drink as much as the big dogs up here, but you can't just take shit from people. You're being a bitch, just gimme the bag.
TPG: We spent over $700 in the Dubh Linn (*note: irish bar)
Me: Whose fault is that?
(TPG smiles and tosses the bag to the hero, who thanks her)
Drunk Guy: Hey, did you call us a bunch of fucking bitches?
Me (as I walk away triumphant): No, I called you a bunch of fucking thieves. Have a great night.
DG: You're a fucking cunt, you know that?!
Me (walking away): Have a great night.
Like.
A.
Boss.
Arm around girl, high five her boyfriend when we get back to the bar, and hugs from the girl whose TP it actually was.
And this is my life.
Drunk people really suck sometimes
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