Friday, April 17, 2009

U S of Eh!

The advantage of living so close to the American border is the peephole into what our Southern neighbours see as news. I'm watching King5 News at Noon, from Washington state. There's a few stories catching my eye though.

First, "Sizzling Hot", the story they broadcast on how burger chains are using scantily clad women to sell their food. Burger King's "I Like Square Butts" ( is friggin awesome. Carl's Jr. meanwhile, ( is... interesting. I can kind of see the problem American families have with these ads. Let's look at Burger King first.

For starter's its a great idea. Spongebob + catchy 90s song + fast food = most of the target demographic in one fell swoop. And it's funny as hell. Mom's argument is that "Nickelodeon has authorised its most popular character to promote lechery". That last word is a little harsh, but I get what they're saying.

Carl's Jr took me a little more research (emphasis on 'little'. Thanks Wikipedia!). The woman in the ad, Padma Lakshmi, is the host of Top Chef, a reality TV show as well as a successful model. It's pretty damn sexual, and there's cleavage a-floppin' everywhere. Again, point taken.

Next item on the news: A group of parents are protesting a coffee stand as the uniform for their baristas (all female I assume) is at best a unique marketing ploy, and at worst "the sex trade being sold to our children."

Bunny Baristas (there's a clue) is a small drive-thru coffee house becoming known for the girls dressing up as Playboy Bunnies: bikinis, with rabbit ears and tails.

Come to think of it, I can imagine the group of "parents" is likely also made up of mostly female members...

On one forum a member describes them as being "red hot" as a business idea in Washington. The catch, of course, is that the coffee shop is located in the car park of two day care centres, on a school bus route. Sorry - centers. Damn my spelling!

Once again, I can see the cause for concern. But in each of these cases, the offenders have utilised the most commmonly known mantra in advertising: Sex Sells.

Secondly, the response is far too great for the problem. Not the protest in the last story - hey, first amendment it up for all I care. I'm talking about the severity of their opinions such as the quote above, taken from a protestor's sign. This is an actual quote from an interviewee:

They’ve been asking their teachers, they’ve been asking their moms why they are seeing breasts and vaginas when they’re on their way to school and back... It’s not fair to have sex trades and adult entertainment in front of children.

I didn't realise full-on lapdances were being performed on the streets! And do you know any 6 year olds that know what 'vagina' is? My point is that an issue is only as big as the backlash. If a kid drops the F-bomb, we chastise him. But if we didn't, would he still use it as a swear?

Bring the Bunnies north of the border, I know of more than one person that would welcome them with open pants. I mean arms.

Sports and weather are next.

By The Way: Stanley Cup Playoffs just started, and guess what? The Leafs aren't in it. Ah well. Oh, and it's pissing down for the first day of the Telus Festival.
I bet you guys only watched the 2nd ad after I mentioned the word 'cleavage', too.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Emperor's new clothes

First of all,

I ask you why.

Maybe I've been too long in the fashion sense of Whistler (i.e. toques, trainers and goggle tans) but Men in leggings is taking the piss somewhat. I will admit I have fallen victim to fashion - I am wewaring my Converse Classics as I type - but seriously, I cannot think of one of my friends that would jump at the option of tights. Some of my lady friends don't even like them.

Thats all for now.

By The Way: Telus Festival is shaping up to be a good one, and I just got me a lucrative bartending job! Go to for info and deals on hotels... $74 per night including lift ticket anyone?

Friday, April 10, 2009

Smokin Hot

Fuck smokers.

That's right, I said it. Fuck. Smokers.

I love my baby, but it seems she is a "recovering cigarette addict". Which means she smokes when she's drunk. I need to iterate something here: I told her when we first started to get serious that I don't do the smoke (no pun intended), to the point that I said I would remove marijuana from my life if she could do the same with cigs.

I made that promise out of love. I made it because I know she hates when I get all high around her, and I respect that. People are douches when they're high and you aren't. Out of the past 15 or so months, she has (to my knowledge anyway) been smoking whilst "drunk" for the past 6. I on the other hand have been high maybe 6 times since that promise.

Here's where I want to smash heads: When her fellow smokers decide that I'm being the oppressive one, they get all up in my face. They are like a cult, or any extremist religion where the freedom of speech is taken to a new level, compounded by the naive idea that one's actions don't affect anyone else... " Don't try and change her! What kind of boyfriend are you?" "She's having a good time - leave her alone!"

In that order:

I'm not changing her, you are, by giving her the smokes, and she wriggles a little closer on to the hook.

I'm a caring boyfriend, one that could spend the rest of my life with this girl but for the whole taste thing, and the health thing.

She may be having a good time, but I'm not. Sorry if you think that's selfish, but frankly it puts me in a bad mood when I have to deal with her old ashtray breath when we're trying to be intimate. When it comes to that kind of situation, I wish I could magic away those fuckwits that don't have to smell it (or can't smell it) so I could remove THAT drama as well.

To any of those in the Cancer Clan: I am totally nuts about this girl as she is about me, but if you continue to usurp my simple requests in our relationship, I can guarantee that it will not last. How's that for a guilty conscience?

Once more with feeling: Fuck Smokers. (In the ass.)

New verse: And their Godforsaken friends.

By The Way: Yes, I HAVE been drinking. It's entirely possible that I will go over this in the cold light of day and rewrite some of this post for clarity's sake. Rest assured, I will not retract anything.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

House hunting

Why is this so damn difficult? I just need a place to sleep for one year, in exchange for money. The love of my life and I need something for the summer, and there's nothing I can sign on a one year lease that i will be able to afford come September. Plus, it looks like she'll be doing the moving herself, because I'm going home for a couple of weeks which happen to include the beginning of May when most leases begin... Why can''t someone just offer a sofa bed for $500 each per month? I don't deal drugs, I no longer party (working at a busy club scratches that itch for me), and I'm devilishly fun to be around to boot.

Not to kick, but "as well".

Best of luck to all you out there also looking for a place.

By The Way: My two new favourite Internet people can be found at (notice anyone familiar?)