Friday, April 10, 2009

Smokin Hot

Fuck smokers.

That's right, I said it. Fuck. Smokers.

I love my baby, but it seems she is a "recovering cigarette addict". Which means she smokes when she's drunk. I need to iterate something here: I told her when we first started to get serious that I don't do the smoke (no pun intended), to the point that I said I would remove marijuana from my life if she could do the same with cigs.

I made that promise out of love. I made it because I know she hates when I get all high around her, and I respect that. People are douches when they're high and you aren't. Out of the past 15 or so months, she has (to my knowledge anyway) been smoking whilst "drunk" for the past 6. I on the other hand have been high maybe 6 times since that promise.

Here's where I want to smash heads: When her fellow smokers decide that I'm being the oppressive one, they get all up in my face. They are like a cult, or any extremist religion where the freedom of speech is taken to a new level, compounded by the naive idea that one's actions don't affect anyone else... " Don't try and change her! What kind of boyfriend are you?" "She's having a good time - leave her alone!"

In that order:

I'm not changing her, you are, by giving her the smokes, and she wriggles a little closer on to the hook.

I'm a caring boyfriend, one that could spend the rest of my life with this girl but for the whole taste thing, and the health thing.

She may be having a good time, but I'm not. Sorry if you think that's selfish, but frankly it puts me in a bad mood when I have to deal with her old ashtray breath when we're trying to be intimate. When it comes to that kind of situation, I wish I could magic away those fuckwits that don't have to smell it (or can't smell it) so I could remove THAT drama as well.

To any of those in the Cancer Clan: I am totally nuts about this girl as she is about me, but if you continue to usurp my simple requests in our relationship, I can guarantee that it will not last. How's that for a guilty conscience?

Once more with feeling: Fuck Smokers. (In the ass.)

New verse: And their Godforsaken friends.

By The Way: Yes, I HAVE been drinking. It's entirely possible that I will go over this in the cold light of day and rewrite some of this post for clarity's sake. Rest assured, I will not retract anything.


  1. I've been drinking too Aaron, and before that cold light of day hits - or before my head hits to pillow - I want to throw in my wholehearted support for your latest eloquent rant. And I mean it. Smoking + not smoking is a terrible combination. I quit the things awhile back, near six years now. I've since dated and kissed girls that smoked, and honestly it's disgusting. Not many bigger turn-offs I can imagine. And as for the whole habit in its entirety, yes also, it's an insidious and life-destroying force. Part of the whole appeal of it, no?

    I write this because
    1. Your clarity of expression demands response
    2. I love you and Spangher, think you're an awesome couple, and don't want anything coming between you

  2. I understand you. Awesome rant.