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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Movie of the Summer

Welcome back to me! I mean, I have been exceptionally lax with writing lately, especially after the daily onslaught whilst on holiday, so I guess this may come as a shock/letdown. But I am going to talk about the latest film to rock my socks off, Machete.

About a month ago, I set up an event on Crackbook to see what I assumed to be the best movie of the summer, The Expendables, starring everyone you've ever seen in action movies. Seriously, if you've seen a movie with an explosion in it, the protagonist was in this film. So, understandably, a mass man date was in order. And don't get me wrong, it was great. The 3 minute scene with Bruce Willis, Arnie and Sylvester Stallone alone was worth the price of admission. I thought we had found the ideal summer movie.

How wrong I was.

Machete is so good, it isn't even fair. Steven Seagal is the bad guy, Danny Trejo stars as Machete, alongside Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Robert DeNiro, and Lindsay Lohan as (what else) a slut. A whole drug cartel story, framing an ex-federale thing going on. But my God, just brilliant. This may be filled with spoilers so just warning you now. I thought the best part was the abseil out the window with a man's intestines. Until I saw the weed whacker with knives attached to it. And even that was usurped by the two-handed machete that Trejo wields. And even THAT was bettered by the mini-gun attached to the handlebars of a motorcycle! Jessica Alba gets naked! There's other boobs not attached to Alba either! The soundtrack kicks ass, it's a band called Chingon (meaning "badass" in Spanish) that Robert Rodriguez started up, and at the end of it all, I wanted to get drunk and enjoy being a man.

New website I just discovered: Dearblankpleaseblank.com where you can read little notes to people from related people, for example "Dear America, Please explain to me how "Jersey Shore" is popular, yet "Arrested Development" was cancelled… Sincerely, Confused. Like textsfromlastnight, it's a good way to kill an hour.

Shoulder season is approaching, so hopefully more posts will transpire as a result.

By The Way: Chew Fu is playing at Maxx Fish tonight, he has a free download at chewfu.com and it's lotsa fun. Rihanna is 2 songs away from the Temptations. Check that mixtape out.

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